Chocolate sea-salted Baltic Porter.
Can art by Jennifer Hewitson.
Beertender Justin says…
“Mr. Turtle, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?” “Eh, I never made it without biting; ask Mr. Owl.” “Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop??” “Well, you start to lose count once you consider how old the universe is and how much longer it’ll go on without us– black holes will eventually consume all matter until they collide and implode upon themselves leaving nothingness, sheer nothingness– I lose countless hours of sleep a day as the weight of the meaningless of it all presses itself upon me, upon my chest, my lungs until I begin to black out– I beg for relief, if there is some higher power out there to put me out of my misery and existential dread– my vision narrows as it becomes harder to breathe– I’m spiraling now, faster, FASTER, FASTER, FASTR THAN BEFOR, GOD IN HEVEN WHY AM I BORN OLNY TO FACE MEANGNGLESS SUFFRINH LOOK ME IN THHE EYES! END ME! END ME!!” … “…So, maybe, would you say, like, 95 licks?”